Monthly Archives: June 2017

Too old to tattoo ?

One thing that I keep hearing is ‘thing you shouldn’t do when you are XXXXX….’ you are always, too old, to big, to small, too talk, too male.. too female.

On my way into work this morning, I was thinking about a tattoo that I have wanted to get done for the longest time. I can’t afford it. I can’t justify it. I just. Can’t. It is a lot of money, not saying that it isn’t worth it, and I would want to get it done well.

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However, I then realised that to a degree, tattoos, and a lot of body modification has a sell by date, a best before date. Getting them done after a certain age, is … well… a midlife crisis I guess? 

We all see the ‘we will be awesome as grandparents’ memes. We are positive saying, hey you know that permanent modification to your body? It will still look amazing when you are in your 70’s. Own that shit. Work it girl. 

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But again, we are being positive about things done while younger. When it comes to being in your thirties, or older, there are still social expectations. You should be responsible. Have a house, married, 2.4 children. a good job. Responsible. And responsible people don’t get a full back tattoo. Or a sleeve. Or anything…. that may be seen to be against the norm. Because to a degree, as normalised tattoos and other body modification is, it is still seen to a degree as rebellion. Although what exactly you are rebelling against is up for debate. 

I am debating this, because it went through my head and I honestly don’t know the answer. While tattoos are becoming more accepted, it still comes with a degree of, you did it while you were younger, you have since changed and grown up. Or you are very much still living an ‘alternative’ life and there really doesn’t seem to be a middle ground.

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Is it also, the point when you hit a certain age, the relationships will have been formed, generally speaking. So doing something like getting a massive thigh tattoo might be considered out of character rather than just a good investment. Or something you now have a disposable income for… because you know, house, kids etc. 

So I guess there really is no answer to this, if you want to get covered head to toe for you 45th because you have the means to do it…. go for it. Want to try out body mods? Why not. It isn’t that you have suddenly have a personality transplant. It is more, that you have finally been able to justify it.

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You’re so pretty when you smile….

So, I have… for reasons known only to journal keepers, been keeping my mental health journey updated here on my blog. I always feel strange whenever I do this because, it is not something I am particularly open about in most other forums.

So, I quit my, not badly paying, relatively speaking, I was comfortable, job working for the NHS which had security and a basic salary… to well.. what exactly. That is indeed the question.

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Now I am working part time in a salon and have had a lot of fun changing up my hair – going through various pink hues, and most recently a blue.

So, to anyone looking on, it looks like I have given up on being an adult, adulting in general, and decided in typical millennial fashion, to be selfish. Because we can’t all run away with the circus as much as we may want to. We have to suck it up, keep trucking, whatever else is thrown at us to keep us going.

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But you see, the world has and is changing, there is no ‘job for life’, it is rare to be able to stay in the same town, or even county of birth, that your family is within walking distance. That you don’t work 40+ hours a week with little, no or negative financial compensation. And that we are looked upon as craven when we suggest that we might want some sort of compensation for working long, unsocial hours. When we turn to social media for support and companionship, but have to remember to be careful what to share because social media is as often as not a screening tool for employers, the degrees of separation are now narrower so you never really know how is able to keep tabs on you.

Now, this blog has the potential to run away from me, so I won’t dig any further, the previous paragraph should give you a taste. It might seem silly that something like social media has such ‘power’ but it is what it is.

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So yes, after a lot of fighting, soul searching, realisations, and reflection, I quit a job in the NHS. There was a lot behind it, a lot of upheaval, stress, bullying – and I realised that as much as I want to be a people pleaser, not to let people down, pride and vanity didn’t allow me to make a bad job or just walk away… But I did. I walked away. And what is something that people almost immediately said ?

You seem so much happier, you are smiling. You look more relaxed.

Such a seemingly simple thing. That thing that people often bandy about, that people shout in anger, that people suggest in frustration. Just quit your job, we are often told when complaining about a bad day. Then you have the worry about what your partner, your family, your friends will say. Will they be judgemental, will they look down at you, laugh at you, will they understand? Or will they just see it as yet another symptom of being a millennial, without the skill set to cope with real life?

Remember. Your. Smile.

Because it is far too easy these days, in an effort to keep up, do everything, remember to eat, to work out, to finish that project, to try out that new restaurant, watch that film, hang out with people that you haven’t seen in a while. It is easy to let things just, slip by.

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Speaking now, it has been a year since I threw all the paper work up in the air and shouted ‘FUCK IT ALL’ while strolling out of the NHS. Well not quite what happened but it is certainly how I would like to remember it.

I really won’t lie, it is hard, so hard. I am working less, earning less, working in a completely alien environment that I also love. I love my work. It is rewarding, I love the people I work for. Of course, I could get another job or 2. But then I would end up in the same place I was this time last year. Juggling jobs, not getting a moment to stop, pause, enjoy life.

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So I guess, I sound like one of those pesky millennial snow flakes, not able to handle being a grownup, running away with responsibilities. But screw it. I want to be happy. I still see people I have worked with, and they still tell me I am happier. I see people I worked with, who just don’t seem happy at all. I honestly understand that not everyone is in a position to change things up on a whim (and trust me I didn’t do it on a whim) but on the other hand, only you can change your circumstances.

Keeping abreast of fitness

So, it has been a while since I last posted, and I do have a bunch of posts that I should publish. However I have a review that deserves to see the light of day within the month so here we go!

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As you may be aware, or if you have a look through my previous posts… I am not the best at reviewing products, However, after much soul searching (bargaining with my bank account) I finally took the leap and bought a new sports bra from Valkyrie Fitness . I had it on good authority that they would be a good fit. Now I have tried bras from all over, Nike, Reebok, Wild Bangarang, Primark, Sainsburys, in the hope that one of them would work. I end up either spending over £50 for a sports bra that binds me so tight I can’t breath, or around £25 for one that barely covers my breasts. In all fairness to Primark, they are value for money, but are good only as a cover for a standard bra.

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So.. let us get down to it. I have 34FF breasts, because of this, it is generally impossible for me to find sports tops that cover let alone off support. So you can understand the trepidation as I waited for it to arrive. Well, I took myself off to the gym, figuring the best ay to give it a go would be during an actual session. And I tried it solo which is not something I would normally risk.

I won’t lie, there was a moment were I thought that it just wouldn’t fit. Where I just wouldn’t get both breasts in. Sorry to be quite so blunt. But it is what it is. Well after a brief struggle, I managed to get into the bra, adjusted and off to start my work out. 

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Edit – I have now been using the sports bra for over a month, and in fact took the plunge and bought a second sports bra which arrived on Monday. I can honestly say that I have not found a more comfortable bra and given that I am not … how do you say, a standard fit? I am impressed that it firstly, fits, and secondly, works.

Not going to lie, it is not made for cardio, I won’t be wearing it to a zumba class in the near future. But honestly for a standard workout, including warm up, weights, yoga, etc it is … at the risk of sounding like Flanders, like wearing nothing at all. Which is also, as those ‘blessed’ with larger breasts, will find a rather strange feeling.

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Now if you are interested in buying one for yourself, head over to Valkyrie, either using the link above or on Instagram by clicking : HERE you are best going with your usual dress size, the material is stretchy but secure. And for those with a more endowed chest, the trick to getting it on quickly and simply, is pulling the back down before the front 🙂  

Also have a bonus picture of me in a Valkyrie baseball cap – when you have short hair…. you can look rather androgynous in the wrong gear…. whoops 🙂 That said, I do love it and had a bunch of compliments so it is now in my bag going forward!

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