Dispelling the myth – pregnancy

So in a recent show we discussed pregnancy, childbirth, children. I asked for stories from people who had gone through it as this was a topic non of the presenters on the show could really talk about with any personal experience. I wasn’t sure what sort of response there would be to the question, which I put quite bluntly but I was really impressed with how open people were on their experiences, both good and bad. One friend commented on how it felt therapeutic to open up about things that she had experienced. So this blog is really, sharing what was shared on FB with me, and hopefully will help people with their own experiences.

I want to say, thank you again to everyone who contributed, it really means a lot to me and it was really eye opening to hear what you went through x

baby9

J.B :

It took us two years for me to fall pregnant, with us trying pretty much every day. I was so excited that we were having a baby but hated being pregnant. 9.5 months is just way too long, not that I had a difficult pregnant it was fine, usual sickness and tiredness but I just didn’t enjoy it. Then felt guilty as a few people I knew lost their babies and I knew I was privileged to be able to carry to full term (plus a couple of weeks). Loved feeling the kicks that was the only positive I felt
Labour – worst pain I have ever felt! Was due to be induced st 8am on new years day, my contractions started naturally at 2am so had a bath, phoned the hospital and they advised I go in at 8am as planned. When I got there they examined me, I was only 1cm dilated but they stuck a hook in me to break my waters – found baby had a poo inside me so was rushed down to the delivery suite to be monitored. My contractions got 10 times worse and was on gas and air. At 2pm I threw it on the bed and said this ain’t f’ing working so they went to get the doctor, an hour later they gave me an epidural and I didn’t feel another contraction. But I got an infection due to the poo in me and was burning up even though I felt freezing so was put on antibiotics drip along with a hormone drip to speed up labour. Still going at midnight when they told me I could start pushing when I had a contraction – well I didn’t feel them as I had an epidural so had to rely on the midwife to tell me when I was having them (they could tell on the monitor I was hooked up to). It didn’t take away the pressure of the baby pushing down on my pelvis though, the only way I can describe it was someone shattering my pelvis with a baseball bat! After an hour I got cramp in my left leg which was worse than the pressure pain, and every time the head came out a bit I kept straightening my leg and he would go back in so made it tough for myself! They then got the doctor in and they put my legs in stirrups which helped, another hour of pushing and little man arrived! 10lb 1oz little chunk, got 2nd degree tears which took an hour to stitch up and the midwife felt faint after 45 mins and another lady had to finish stitching! But they put my baby on me and you really do forget it all as soon as you look at them – felt an overwhelming rush of love and was so relieved to have my baby in my arms!

J.B: Just thought of something….apparently breastfeed babies can go 5 or 6 days without a poo…I didn’t know this and Daniel went 12 hours without a dirty nappy so I phoned the health visitor who said when he does finally go there will be a massive poo explosion – an hour later I heard the loudest noise coming from his bum…… it was everywhere, all down his legs up his back – where the hell do you start to clean that up! I just dunked him in the bath! No one tells you the unglamorous stuff about motherhood beforehand!!

No one is ever really honest when you are pregnant and ask someone what it’s like to become a mother – everyone says oh my baby is perfect/doesn’t cry/sleeps through the night etc. Well no baby is perfect and it definitely is not easy, it’s the hardest thing I have ever done but also the best decision I have ever made is to have a child. I just love him so much, even when he’s screaming his little head off I just want to cuddle and kiss his pain away and I do, we sit for hours just cuddling on the sofa or when he’s sleeping I will just stare at him and hold his little hand thinking he’s just so bloody beautiful. People used to say sleep when he sleeps, or when he sleeps do the housework – well no thanks, i haven’t hovered for a month, i keep the kitchen clean and ive done washing but that’s about it, theres no way I’m missing a second of him being this little – savouring every moment. I love him so much it makes me want to cry and sometimes I do cry and it’s ok to cry (another thing I’ve learnt)!

R.B : All I can say is my pregnancy was horrible. I loved feeling my baby kicking and wriggling around but that’s it. I was sick everyday, I had SPD, I was poorly all of the time I had group b strep and cried for weeks over being told and the ad thing is they only tested me because I kept getting thrush and having high temps. When he was born I had to have a c section. I loved him but not as much as I expected and found I had post natal depression. I couldn’t handle it all. I have this constant struggle between being a loving mummy and not wanting to be a mummy it’s weird. I love my boy so much but I constantly thing I’m doing the wrong things. He’s a good kid but he’s been through his rough patches of being really naughty. He’s also been really poorly since he was born. I became a single parent when he was 1 and a half and that broke me. I know people always say they don’t understand how mothers can complain about having kids but some people just don’t tell the truth or they are living in denial because being a parent is the hardest and most selfless thing you will ever do. No child is the same. You are exhausted all of the time, you don’t have any guidelines to follow apart from feed and love your child lol. You are judged if you work and if you don’t. People will look at your child and what he/she is wearing a rend judge you on it. If you look young people judge you for being a rend young mum and the same if you lol older. It’s madness. I could go on forever. I’ve only put a snippet of it in here x

J.B :  Other mothers are rarely honest about their own experiences which I find weird as all I want to do is be honest and say it’s so bloody hard – my happy smiling pictures on instagram are just minutes out of our whole day!

K.R :  It’s true it’s the hardest thing to do

baby6

D.H : REFLUXREFLUX. 

Silent reflux or normal reflux.

No such thing as a fussy or needy or colicky baby which screams all the time for all the days… Nightmare.

And/or

Divarification of diastasis recti. When the tummy muscles don’t go back! Horrendous! Many people don’t know about it. I had to pay privately to get it repaired. A lot of money. It’s “cosmetic” apparently but I couldn’t even manage my son. Debilitating. Yet all the reasons you can get surgery to get it repaired are cosmetic!!!

D.H : Think acid burning your oesophagus, bringing it up, swallowing it down until your tubes burn. The milk is quite thin and watery which doesn’t help. The valves in the baby’s tummy aren’t strong enough to keep it down. Sometimes they feed for comfort (constantly) which caused more liquid and more burning. Some kids throw it up. Some then refuse to eat at all! Food aversions. Milk allergies are an issue too.

Can’t lie them flat for 30 mins after a feed. Or go in car seat. Can’t do tummy time. They hurt and can be delayed in progress. Can be underweight and can be overweight. There’s always sick and you can smell the acid. They say wean early (thickens the stomach content). Doesn’t always work. Then when They’re sitting upright (gravity). Doesn’t always work. Then when they are standing. Doesn’t always work. Then when they’re older and the muscles are stronger.. Awful. Sleep is non existent (hurts them lying down). They just want to be carried (soothing and upright…)

Can get meds if the GP listens… They can’t really help.

D.H : If I could summarise feelings. And others I know would say the same. It stole our lovely new baby time…

D.H : Still only feel numb when I look back at those photos…

baby5

Rhesus Negative in pregnancy

S.S : Anti-D injections…….I’m rhesus negative which means I don’t have something in my blood that rhesus positive people do……anyway because of this I require anti-d injections for my pregnancies to stop my body from treating the baby as an infection and attacking the baby…..with all 3 of my pregnancies I’ve had to have these injections….It also has caused my last pregnancy to end in the early stages because I am able to be pregnant and it not show on a pregnancy test for many months into the pregnancy that and endometriosis and a history of pelvic inflammatory disease

L.B : I am rhesus neg too!!

S.S :It’s horrible I lost 2 babies because I didn’t show positive on a test and my body basically did it’s job. Nearly lost avary because my midwife was being useless even though she was the same lady for my other two she just didn’t give a crap

S.S : I changed her she was also a midwife that refused to help me with breastfeeding and lied to me about being able to breast feed with piercings. Me I know now after finding groups by myself and I tried with my girls and when I thought I was doing well considering I had no clue the health visitors made me feel like utter crap

l.b : It’s what what led to my miscarriages too. I’ve had 14 pregnancies now that we’re confirmed

S.S :Yeah it’s frigging horrid and you’d think they would make it more known about the dangersThat’s why I went for the blood type thing hundreds as it’s hardly mentioned anywhere and it effects around 15% of women

K.R :  OMG anti D worse than labour. …exactly like larva being injected into you….and as I had a placenta bleed at 29 weeks with oliver I had to have a lot of anti D. ….. ..really really horrible.

V.G : I hope no ones minds me adding to this thread, there’s some amazing and heart breaking stories I’ve already read so would like to briefly add mine: never been pregnant although using no contraception. Got to the age of 36 went to NHS for help, NHS wrote me and my husband off as he had children from previous relationship (no free treatment for us) so we saved up. Ended up having 8 months of acupuncture, (I’m a reflexologist so treated myself for months) finally went for a course of IVF at Harley st and fell pregnant! Pregnancy was mostly fine, SPD at the end. Went 10 days over due. I desperately wanted a natural birth but my BP ended up at 199/100 so had to be induced. After 3 days of drugs midwifes unable to break my waters etc baby had to have copper coil inverted into her head (while still in womb) as she wouldn’t keep still for long. Eventually had failed induction and had emergency c section at 2am on fourth day (Thursday) was totally exhausted but hospital aftercare was crap. I bled badly and nurses were mostly uncaring very little support. Maybe because I was an old mum? I saw my baby as a screaming creature, in incredible pain and no idea what to do. Breast feed for 10 weeks then Lizzie (baby) lost ability to latch. After all that, I ended up with Post Natal Depression. Felt a total failure. Then one day whilst I was holding this screaming creature whilst silently crying to myself she looked up and me reached up to my face and smiled. I broke my heart that day but but I also began building myself and our bond back together again. Now, she’s 9 months and I’m fine – in fact I want to do it all again. She is my world my little munchie Lizzie xxx

C.L : Well as a Daddy I saw the full thing from the outside. The strangest thing is realising how much you have changed as a person. Suddenly its not just about you any more. Late nights and going to work like a zombie are suddenly normal. Georgia was an Ix baby ( a form of test tube baby) and we were lucky to fall pregnant first time. Georgia was one of five, she was the only one that made it. That plays on my mind, so much, But my little girl makes me smile at least a dozen times a day. I never thought I would be a good daddy, I still question myself day in day out. But we waited so long for her and we cherish every day. Then of course like a flippin bus James came along (you wait so long for one!) and he is so different. Scarily fast and growing like a weed! I love my little menaces and cant imagine my life without em, which is odd, five years ago I couldn’t imagine my life with them. Sorry for the ramble
This is an insanely long blog post, even for me, and I have another post as I couldn’t fit everything into one realistically. I hope that if you have read this, it helps, it might give you insight, or give you the encouragement to share your own experiences. I will be posting 2 blogs on this subject so I hope you have enjoyed reading this – if you want to share your experiences or talk to someone please feel free to drop me a line. I will be adding links to the second blog post.
Here is a link to the show : Oh Baby
And the FB Page : Lifestyle:MK
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